Why my life is a disjointed story.
I've talked in previous blog posts about some of my social changes throughout the years and how my social skills had improved year on year. Likewise, I delved into my education as well and the two crossed over.
However, at other times, it feels like there's a disconnection from everything that has gone before. By this, I mean that all my past experiences haven't all come together to mold me into who I am now. This has been something that has crossed my mind for a while.
"My life seems like a show with about three different storylines going on for one character and none of those stories link together to form one coherent story." I posted that on Facebook a few months back and thought maybe I should expand upon what I mean.
The three storylines I'm referring to are home life, work life and social life. Now, it's not uncommon to act in different ways depending on the situation you're in in regards to formality and openness. Although for me, it really feels like three different people altogether.
I feel like all three of them have developed separately and not benefited from any positives that occurred in the others. Specifically, my time at university. I identified this time as my best time socially where I was able to converse very comfortably.
Now, when I go back to Portsmouth to see my uni friends, I pick up where I left off. But outside of it, I feel like I'm back to where I was in early sixth form; more willing to talk but still a bit hesistant to begin with. It honestly feels like I'd have to meet somebody new in Portsmouth in order to start an instant rapport with someone rather than cautiously chat.
This has been common since I started working. While I talk freely with one workmate (even that took a few months to flow) everybody else I talk to is purely on a work basis and because of that, it doesn't really make me want to reveal too much about myself. Likewise at home, since I don't have much social outgoings, not much has changed about the way I conduct myself from a few years ago.
Also, because my work doesn't relate to my course, it feels like the three years at uni was just an escape from everything else. It was a period spent with a balance of socialising, working and having a break. You learn things about the course, about people and about yourself and then at the end of the three years you go back to square one.
Those three years act as a time capsule to go back to when I go to Portsmouth or just see some friends from Portsmouth. You go back into that world for a short while, you pick up where you left off. Once you leave again, that becomes an isolated incident that has no bearing for you anywhere else. It doesn't progress anything outside of uni further, it's just an enjoyable escape from everything else.
Therefore, it feels like these are separate worlds and not only that but three separate timelines because the chronology doesn't match up in the real world.