With Boris Johnson favourite to become the next Prime Minister, police chiefs across the country are rejoicing in the knowledge that knife crime will cease to exist.
Having seen Johnson’s record of London Mayor where no knife crimes existed, it is hoped the potential PM can apply his methods across the entire country.
“Knife crime may be a problem in London now but it wasn’t when Boris Johnson was Mayor of London. Sadiq Khan has undone Boris Johnson’s legacy of keeping London completely crime-free with his incompetence, no-one in London had even heard of a knife before Khan came in.”
“We know longer have to worry about the cuts to police forces across the country as the police won’t be needed so we should just cut out the police force entirely now. We just need Boris to reassume control of London to make it safe again,” said a top police chief.